And now for something completely different

I remember back sometime during the last half of my freshman year I was in the elevator of my residence hall riding up to my floor. It was a typical ride up, a cornucopia of mind-numbed college students coming back from lecture, but for some reason this ride also contained one of those incredibly bubbly girls who was vainly trying engage people in conversation.

You know the one, the girl that babbles incessantly, at any time, any place. It doesn't matter what she talks about, nobody listens, least of all her, yet she continues her mantra throughout the day, some sort of ward to protect her and the immediate 50 foot radius from sweet sweet silence and serenity.

Naturally I assumed the defensive position, casting my eyes upon the floor and vainly hoping she will choose someone else as her next victim. I notice next to me a fellow captive, a tall buzz-cut bedecked student - clearly the reserved tall man type that avoids all conversation - doing the same. We exchange glances.

The elevator inches up the floors. I alternate between feigning stupidity and exhaustion, but neither seem to have an effect. At long last we arrive at the 6th floor, but alas! Our captor does not budge. Panic is clearly written upon my friend's face. I take in my surroundings one last time before death. She turns, deliberating, yet all the while continuing her current monologue. I shift my weight as to position my head behind my friend's backpack.

Triumph.

My friend looks back at me with betrayal in his eyes. I feel no pity. He feels no pain.

7th floor. I alone am standing in opposition of her goal. I stare desperately at the digital reading, fervently wishing for it to render unto me my freedom. She begins, asking me what about that particular wall is so appealing to others. I remain silent.

8th floor. She tries anew, posing a rhetorical question concerning the willingness of college students to engage in conversation in a social setting. A bead of sweat noticeably drops from my face to the floor. Her phone rings, a sigh of relief. Wrong number, God has abandoned me.

The double doors being to open. I can bear it no longer, I squeeze myself through the crack, distantly wondering what would happen were I to become stuck. My captor is struck dumb at the speed with which I disappear into my dorm room.

At long last I am free! Sole defender of the status quo.